Autism Parenting, Growing

Just Venting: Gut Feelings

So last week I posted about going from 3 hours to 7 hours of school. I was positive at that moment I made a great decision. I didn’t think to consider his therapy sessions at home. Will it be too much?

What if I was wrong?

I don’t see how he is at school and according to his teachers, he does well with his visual schedule. At home he doesn’t have that, but at home I can see when it’s too much for him, which rarely happens. Home is his play zone and he loves to play.

He’s starting to realize what “work” means. Like any other 4-year-old, working isn’t fun. I get that it’s necessary and part of ABA, but some days he just doesn’t want any of it. How will he do with 7 hours of school and still be able to do even an hour of therapy? ABA has helped and I don’t want to lose the progress there too.

Everyone keeps telling me to do what I feel is best. I don’t know what’s best, I’ve never been here before. Do what you think is right. Well, revert to the last statement. I want him to grow and learn, but at the same time I fear that it will be too much. Then tomorrow morning, I’m sure I’ll feel fine with the decision. Come afternoon, I’ll be sick with feelings of guilt.

Too Many Voices

I’m supposed to be his voice and right now I’m just really sucking at it! How exactly can I be his voice when I can’t even keep track of what day it is? I work off three schedules, free time, what’s that?! I work so hard to make sure he’s okay and at the end of the day, my brain is a blank slate. Tomorrow will be a different day.

The voices will start again, myself talking to myself. I will read every blog out there and keep comparing myself to others. I will forget that every child is different. I will ask friends that haven’t been here before and consider their voices. My husband’s opinion matter to me most, but now as I keep talking out loud, he is having doubts too. Were we wrong, should we change it?

Final Thoughts

I wish I had one. Tomorrow is a different day. Maybe 7 hours of school won’t be too much for him. Perhaps we will learn to adjust to his outburst and rework a schedule from there. What if school is so great we don’t need to continue therapy? What if therapy is so great, we don’t have him in school? We can always try, again right? I supposed I do have the entire summer to ponder this.

If anyone has any comments please do so now. I’m at my wits end for the day and my mind runs non-stop. Reading helps calm the anxiety.

Until next time,

-AMV70R

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2 thoughts on “Just Venting: Gut Feelings”

  1. I’m sorry, I probably can’t help much or you may be doing better know. It seems like you’re stressed. I know you can’t really take a break with all that’s going on. The only thing I can recommend is for you to calm down, focus, and understand that you’re not alone. You have your husband and both of you can figure it out together.

    Liked by 1 person

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